Saturday, February 7, 2009

Haircuts and Tequila

Okay, I'm gay!! How many of you didn't know that already? I'm 44 years old, and I've been gay (or at least have known I was different) for as long as I can remember. My childhood years are a little fuzzy, but I can definitely remember knowing I was different from everyone else....I just didn't realize what it was or that society had a name for it. I don't try to hide my "gayness", but I don't walk around wearing feather boas and 4 inch heels either. Why am I telling you this? Because something happened earlier today that really caught be by surprise and left me a little dazed and confused.......a straight woman flirted with me AND even gave me her number!! What??? Yep, it happened, and here's the story.......

I went to a the local branch of one of the national salon chains for a haircut. Many of you are asking why I pay good money to have someone cut what little hair I have left on my head, and I really don't know how to defend myself other than to tell you it's just easier than trying to cut it myself. In other words.....I'm lazy!! I was greeted by a rather friendly woman who introduced herself and told me she would be with me in a few minutes. She was named after a type of alcoholic beverage, and to protect her anonymity, I will refer to her as "Tequila" during the remainder of my story.

After a short wait, Tequila called my name and directed me to her chair. She pressed her rather large breasts against my back while she secured the cape around my neck, but I didn't pay much attention to her actions. We briefly discussed the type of cut (buzzed all over with the shortest guard possible), and she went to work. Tequila made small talk as she buzzed my hair, but I new something was up when she started asking if I was married and if I had children. I answered that I was single and my only child is a dog (which should have given her reason to consider the possibility that I was gay). Her eyes lit up a little with that news, and I immediately felt her breasts pressed against my upper arm (and then I felt her rubbing them up and down on my upper back and neck). My first thought was to scream "step back lady....you're going to make me break out in a rash!!", but I remained composed and only allowed myself to scream in my mind. Oh, I might have vomited in my mouth a little too. Luckily, Tequila finished my cut, and I was out of her chair in a matter of minutes, but the flirtation continued at the counter.

Tequila escorted me to the counter, and continued making conversation as she rang up the cost of my haircut. After giving me a $2.00 discount, she told me the total. I gave her my debit card (which has a picture of me on it), and she immediately started telling me how great I look with a mustache and goatee (those of you who know me are aware that I had facial hair for many years but decided to shave it off when it all started turning white). She encouraged me to grow it back and reached across the counter and brushed the side of my face with her hand. At this point I thought I was going to be physically ill.

After paying my bill, Tequila reminded me of her name and made some off the wall statement about giving intoxicating haircuts. I really wish I could remember her exact comment, but I was a little dizzy at the time!! She wrote her name AND number on the top of my receipt, and when she handed it to me, she made me aware that she made house calls for her customers when they weren't able to make it to the shop. Really??? Have any of you EVER had a stylist offer this service to you? I stumbled from the salon feeling a little weak and disoriented. Was it all a bad dream??? I ran my hand across my head, and when I felt the soft stubble, I knew it was very real.

I think I need to find a barber shop that is staffed by men and hope that one of them is related to Tequila!!

43 comments:

  1. OMG that was hilarious! I'm so glad that you thought about vomiting in your mouth a little and not on her..of course, that may have made her step back a little and not continue to rub herself on you. I'm sorry. I know that was a little overwhelming for you but ~oh my gosh!~ that was the PERFECT way to start a blog! You are an awesome writer and I canNOT wait to read more.
    Love you bunches!
    Tra

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  2. ROTFL!! What an experience. and NO damnit! that has never happend to me.

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  3. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! I would be sick to, gay or straight. That was going across the line. Can we say sexually herassment? haaaaaaaaaaaaaa get it! ewwwww. Teguila works on Dickerson Rd and makes house calls, you better watch out she might show up at work to give you a buzzzzzz cut! You crack me up Mitch

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  4. OMFG! First off, Jbeachboard had that wrong, Its not sexual harassment, once Torpedo-tits Tequila started rubbing her weapons of love on your, it became sexual battery! Can we say Class E Felony boys and girls?!? I have been flirted with before, but never like that! You are a much better man than I am Mitch! I would have been screaming...

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